The bollywood effect

Most of us Indians learn our Hindi through movies. A fellow male colleague of 23, hailing from Andhra and identifying himself with the foregoing category of hindi learners, wants to invite his female Delhiite boss of 28 to the next client meet... He goes up to her and asks, 'Tu aati kya?'...


and he didn't know he'd committed a folly!

The betel leaf is one of the more exotic specimens of flora in India...Popularly referred to as the Paan patta in central and northern parts of the country, it is an efficient digestive, an object and mark of hospitality in old muslim khandaans of UP and Bihar, a delectable after dinner treat and a very interesting base for culinary experimentation. Try the following quick stuffings if you are bored of the conventional choona, supari do's:
1) Whipped milk cream and seedless cherries
2) strawberry sauce
3) Paan coated with hot melted chocolate
4) maybe melted white chocolate too
5) Thick sweet rabdi
6) ground dry fruits coated in honey

Its time the popular Indian delicacy was subject to a little innovation after all.

Dr. Sania Mirza / Can someone give me a Honorary Doctorate?

Why not i thought when i read that some lame ass university in Tamil Nadu is conferring a Doctorate to Sania Mirza, so let's recollect her achievements

• Got a kick ass sports deal from one of the sport biggie footwear firms
• Churns mixed feelings, by skirting it all up :P
• Wears designer jewellery and sarees and walks "error free" on ramps !
• The current face of Hyderabad, popular after Biryani and Charminar
• She manages to play tennis too after finding time for all this.

Honestly, when i first read about her in The Hindu's sports space, explicitly dedicated to the men and women of India who're doing what they wanted to do and manage to excruciate their experience through photographs and deals. She did pretty well though, managed to win the junior Wimbledon doubles trophy with an other lady about whom I have no clue today or have read about to flaunt off further achievements. Eitherways, if you've read till here, you'd know this post has no structure and plain ridicule stretched across the borders of the post, so I am guessing you can take it further if you like.

After all this i began to wonder where did i go wrong in the process, I have no single police record, i drive after drinking, i bribe the cops honestly and they salute me back some times for the generosity, I tell my paper boy he can kick my door to announce his arrival he's happy doing it, my watchman uses my flat's uncomfort-freeing facilities and blesses me as soon as he comes out, I ash my ciggerettes in a dust bin and that too, in the cover neatly tucked into it so that the "amma" who comes to clean it up has no issues with it. So, i guess I am being a good citizen, not sure if it's more than what Sania does everyday, some activities could include one of the following

• Stretching harder for the lensmen (Psst: Sania, Paparazzi have a different meaning in India)
• Wearing those ultra-clever-revealing things/whatever (DAMN !)
• She's always had more than 90% in her report cards (Who would not in their school, ask anyone and they'd all say "I was really good back then but now . . ." and the story starts)
• Sumptuous biryani a day, would keep the fitness at bay ( :D )
• Visit the tennis practise place from outside and see people play, and worse call it "Studying, the anatomy and the response element for success"
• Checking her FB/Orkut/some other lame rip off (Wonder what they'd write on her wall, Ex - "Hey babes, did u see that movie, the heroine was so cute . . . . . " damn, there it ends ! )
• Air guitar practise with her tennis racquets, she must have atleast 10 guitars errr, racquets.
• Look sick and wave from her house balcony (refer to point 1 for paparazzi quotient)
• She's probably thinking of an other piercing (Oh yeah !)
• Wonder about her bedspreads and think they dont go well with her sports shoes.
• Change the name plate outside her place to Dr. Sania Mirza

And all this in exchange for a Doctorate which i was considering seriously, which I still am, though now I have some variables changed, dosent this remotely make you feel a thing and people let it pass without a hitch, the two things i thought when i read that news paper that day was, What kind of a shitty university is this ? and Did they not have a better marketing plan for themselves if they didnt have the right results to show ? Probably the first question has a decent answer, the second question speaks volumes for itself and ensures one not to get into a place where Doctorates are distributed like chana-wrapping-papers. Then i wondered what would she wear to the ceremony, that got the better of me for a certain time, but i managed to get back to my senses. Flawed marketing has cost people it's lives (remember that Cindy Crawford hoarding on some random freeway in the US and the sudden increase in accidents) and hope's (Do you want a doctorate ??). Now i wonder where will this goto and Yeah I also did think of what she would talk, if she is allowed which I am thinking is mandatory/stupidly irritating at times. She'd not forget mentioning her sponsors but would've forgot the name of her first coach or her current IQ level, which should revolve around the smalles two digit number existing for comfort and (interestingly) cofidence.

Yes, I am pissed and No, i still like her only in the news paper photographs !